Welcome formally to IAWP, Moui!
I’m so sorry you have been through this hell. It does sound like you have grown and learned enormously from it. Even though you were “under the influence” at the time, I think you’ll get to keep that developmental achievement of leading men.
No, the drug is definitely not going to be built up in your system. Even if it were, your body is constantly detoxing itself and replacing cells.
The guilt surges are probably partly your psychological issues and largely neurological magnification of those issues. WD has a way of doing an extra-deep cleanse of your psyche.
This reminds me of me when I was tapering *and* having serotonin syndrome in February ’04. Did you, by any chance, ever look at the clock and find it was two minutes *earlier* than when you had looked last? Or look at the clock and see it was the same time for more than one minute?…last July (2012). Most of what happened is still a bit hazy to me but I do remember some bits, like pacing back and forth in the kitchen looking at the microwave clock every couple of seconds- for about 4 hours without understanding what time it was..
