I'm not quite sure what to do about the work thing yet. It's definitely one of my 'big 3' issues. I went on citalopram in 2009 during a time of stress and part of that was related to not knowing my path. Afterwards I've been busy dealing with this ssri-thing (remember I had a bad reaction from beginning) and it's been a survival fight.. This is something some younger people can relate to maybe.. older people struggling with the pills have their own troubles. For me one thing is that I have nothing to return to. I'm meant to be finding my way during this horrible time when I've been most ill suited for it. I tend to lock up and get tense even thinking about it.
Now, I know I could do something easy and uninteresting. Entry level jobs.. and I might even be able to do something like that if my condition worsens, as long as it's not like last summer. On the other hand I have a nagging feeling I should be doing something more, but I'm not sure I feel ready to start studying for university.. especially as I haven't got the slightest clue what exactly.There are things that interest me but I don't feel a calling towards anything. I have all kinds of neural networks and links that get activated when I start thinking about this. I used to be in a band before like I've mentioned and that comes up too "...maybe I should've kept doing that..did I mess up..". We were pretty serious about it at the time, I still hesitate to call it a 'hobby'.. for sure it wasn't something relaxing. I have some friends in the video game industry (no not Rovio) and I think I could get a fun job there as well, not sure if it's my thing but it would be different and interesting. But I'm not sure I want to be in touch with them (lost contact a year ago after the crash) and the atmosphere of that work environment. I know they are pretty flexible with things though, and have a really tight and supporting company. I think it's around 30 people or so. Mainly guys in their 20s and 30s, goofing around, drinking every week. I'm not sure I like that idea.. too much restless energy. Being there in a depressed state sounds frightening. There's also the added weight of knowing 3 of those people and if I had to quit I couldn't just disappear. Therapist thinks even the simple job and getting used to a work routine would be good, and part of me agrees. I'm living with my mother right now and it would be good to get an apartment and such.

I'm glad you enjoyed the table.