Ruminations/obsessive thoughts/OCD - the Groundhog Day of the Worst Kind

[Luc]

Hey, guys. How many of you are suffering from those? As incredible as it may seem, the trauma of things that happened years ago, and that should have been long gone, is still with me. I'm not going into any details, for it's still too painful for me - just describing it generically as the 'trauma of the past years".

The painful memories are as vivid as if they all happened just yesterday. Are you experiencing the same?

[Cosette123]

Yes Luc I have been experiencing the same for several months.The worst days of my life as well as my traumatizing memories hit me as well as if they were real. For example I am convinced that my parents and especially my mother did not love me even if they gave me me an excellent education and sacrificed themselves to allow me to study at the University.I am sure I have not been the daughter whom my mother has dreamt of...One day she told me that she had not wanted my birth...I had forgotten that but the withdrawal put it back in my memory and it haunts me because I am convinced to be guilty of living.

[Sheila]

Cosette -- when we are in a wave, the neurological disarray makes it impossible to assess things in a balanced, accurate way.

Many of us -- including me -- have very mixed relationships with our parents. There is real love, but there are also unhealed problems in their pasts that interfere with their ability to be loving towards us.

When you feel stronger again -- and you will -- you will *know* as a mother yourself, that if a parent has such hostility toward a child, it really reflects on the parent and not on the child. You *know* that no child is guilty of living. My goodness -- *you* know that better than most people! You see the worth in children who have serious limitations and problems. You have a great talent for seeing this worth.

When you feel stronger again, you will be able to *feel* more admiration for your own life and the good you are doing with it.



Sometimes it seems like the loveliest people have the hardest time with w/d! Just wait, guys. You are going to feel better about yourselves than you ever did in your life.

[stan]

hi Luc,

i see this:
you have to accept that you have these feelings and know that if you give them too much importance, they'll eat you, so take care, do not isolate, be busy with other things than your ruminations, small victories will diminish these overhelming thoughts ...
it's like anxiety, knowing that you are anxious and will have to live with and not get overwhelmed, so be busy with all but not anxiety; this is for me, i lived well and knew i was anxious until fall in trap of deroxat;

[Luc]

Thanks ever so much for your advice. If I were to choose the most bizzare of the symptoms, I'd most likely put ruminations on top. I wish I could share them with you on the forum - this would help tremendously many of us and the future members of IAWP, but it's a vicious circle - even mentioning them, or trying to think of them, sends my mind in a retrospective turmoil - pure hell of not being able to forget of what should have been forgotten so long ago.

[Junior]

You know what I do when I get like that (common symptom of GAD)? I push them away. As much as I can. It's not easy and takes lots of practice but it's better than allowing them to consume you.

[Luc]

Thanks for your thoughts, guys. From what I have seen on different forums, people are most afraid of sharing those types of symptoms; as much as physical pain can be undertood by the "healthy ones", the absolute absurd of the emotional suffering, especially the obsessive thoughts, is very often beyond the scope of their comprehension. No matter how they tried.

I'm writing about this today again as the last couple of hours have seen intense adrenaline dumps b/c of the past traumas. It feels like some terrible things in my life happened just seconds ago. In such moments, knowing it's just the darn WD, and that it's only temporary, is of paramount importance. I truly *can't* imagine what people are going through not knowing it's WD...

I will spend the rest of my life spreading the word about this pandemonium, wrought on millions. Doctors, until they change their ways, will only be adding to people's plight. Thus, our place (along with other forums) are effectively their ONLY hope.

[Samsara]

Luc.........

i have much to write about this thread's topic and will do so as soon as I can but I quickly wanted to mention something that MAY assist you.

I too experience the same and what I try to do is to speak to myself in loving, soothing terms. The igniting of past traumas highjacks the CNS and vice versa and so, one way to try to counteract it is to speak lovingly to yourself.

It's like we must nurture ourselves in the manner in which we should have been nurtured when the trauma originally occurred. So, perhaps you can write down some phrases that you would have needed to hear when you experienced the trauma in the past.

This is one of most effective ways to calm the CNS down. Soothing words, loving thoughts/words need to be utilized to put the breaks on the fearful thoughts and prevent further cortisol dumps.

If you write down the thoughts/phrases or even single words on paper and place them in areas where they will be in your face when you get hit with these episodes..........it will jog you into redirecting your thoughts out of trauma into safety.

Don't rely on yourself to remember to come up with words of safety/calm when you are in the midst of an episode. Rather, place visual reminders. I can't stress this enough.

Keep repeating these words or phrases over and over again and if you can, do engage in breathing techniques and/or any other forms of self-soothing eg. a soft warm blanket, or hold onto something that makes you feel safe eg. a polished stone, a religious object (even if you are not religious). Physically holding onto to something like this can have an achoring effect. It can make you feel less alone with the horrific feelings.

With all that said, I do understand that the traumatic thoughts can come at you like a freight train barreling down the tracks, 100 miles a hour with no breaks but you have to keep reciting calming, nurturing words, thoughts, phrases etc.

You can also remind yourself or write down, "this is going to pass. I'm okay. what I'm feeling happened in the PAST. Right now I'm SAFE"

I hope to add more to this thread when I can present my thoughts in an orderly fashion which may take a few days or longer.

in the meantime, hang on...........you're okay, you're safe and this will pass. You're just getting washed over right now and the trauma wave will recede but of course, try to avoid anything that triggers them.

It's not a wise thing to try to face your triggers and brave through them when you are still in serious WD states. The name of the game it to create safety in our enviroment and in all transactions as much as possible.




Samsara

[Luc]

Thank you so much, Sam. Taking it step by step. What also helps, is this almost religious repeating to myself the mantra of "it used to be even worse". At such moments, you visualize in your head the contrast between the "bad" now and the "very bad" then.

[stan]

Obsessive/ruminations thoughts, i think i have not;

but a question, have you obsessive and ruminant pleasant thoughts ? for example about a beautiful girl, to see a nice TV movie, nice car, a nice pizza, or is it only torture, i will be sick, i will lose my keys, people will see i walk difficult?