Yes, after cxareful consideration and with the help of people on here I know whats happening...
I CTd in Jan, now when I think of the 6 months between then and the panic attack I can see what would have been w/d I did alot of crying and I also remember thinking muliple times, god those ADs must have really leveled me out because Im a wreck, maybe I need them.
I had the big panic attack and felt really bad the next day too, then I went to get the cit back.
Now, my body, brain and cns were in a bad place and I threw fuel on the fire by starting the cit again, well that sent me into total crisis.
Even though I messed around with the dose for the first 4 days I then stuck on the 20 for 6 weeks and just got worse and worse, well, not as bad as the first 4 weeks but not good.
Yes I then went up and down for a bit 10, 20, 30, 20, 10 etc but I feel better now than when I did on the 20 everyday.
The question now is what to do now. I came on my period this morning so that explains the meltdown yesterday. Do you think I could stabalise further on the 10, is it worth sticking this out for longer? By that I mean is there a chance I will feel better than this by taking the 10 for longer?
OR..Should I drop to 5 and stabalise there? maybe on 5 I would be able to go back to work, at the moment I just couldnt I cant even think about it.
All I want is to get to a point where life is livable and then take it from there.
If only I had known it was w/d when that panic attack came on then I would have tried to ride it out instead I made things a whole lot worse.
Like all of us Im just looking for what desicion is gonna make me feel better quicker, if thats stay on 10 then I will try it, but how do I know when I have felt better when dropping the dose? 5 maybe just right to get me back on track?
For my past 2 periods, the first time I tried to walk to the shops with my hubby, (this was week 3 of 20mg) I got to the end of the street, couldnt take the anxiety and aggitation came home, started screaming, tried to cry but couldnt and locked myself away in the bedroom shaking and retching and in a very VERY bad way, I remember dreading my hubby and son getting home because I couldnt handle the noise.
period number 2 - I had been on 10mg for 4 days and had been feeling better but then I felt my pms kick in and I couldnt handle the raised anxiety again, I went to the park with my son (so an improvement from the month before) but it was HIGHLY uncomfortable. I came home and went to bed and cried my eyes out, I went to bed and stayed there for a week, not because it took my symptoms away but because it was easier to handle the symtoms in that quiet place with no responsibility for my son.
Si this time around, I have been downstairs for well over a week, for the past 2 days leading up to my period I have felt a little worse than ususal (usual being mid.moderate constant anxiety, low mood etc) and had some of those lovely rage and anger feelings. But I havent taken to my bed.
So the big question is...is there a chance I will improve from this is i continue with the 10 or will I need a drop to feel any improvements???
