Feeling terrible

[Iggy131313]

I have been feeling worse and worse each day, probably since my taper down to 7.5 but Im not going back up no matter what.

But the depression has hit me so badly I feel floored by it. I cant leave the bedroom again, its just too much for me, and even the thought of my little boy sends me into a terrible crying fit. I think I may also be having anhedonia, well I know I am, I cant find ONE thing in my mind that I can feel positive about, not even my son, all I feel about my son is grief and loss. Maybe this wave was coming anyway and had nothing to do with the drop in dose but I am not good at all, the suicidal ideation is strong, Im not going to kill myself but the only thing that comforts me is the thought that I could die and all this would not be happening anymore, its just too painful.

Im not overly anxious today, although if anyone told me I had to leave the bedroom it would scare the hell out of me but the depression is unbearable. God only knows whats happening in my brain, I keep wondering if Im causing it myself, but Ive never had depression before in my life!

Have you guys seen people recover from this? Most of you folks seem to be long term sufferers and that is very scary, but have you spoken to people who acctually HAVE made a 100% recovery?

[Luc]

As much as difficult it is now, Iggy, it's just temporary. You will heal from it. It's really difficult to know for sure whether this worsening was caused by the drop or it was coming yor way no matter what. What you should do know, I think, is to stay on the current dose. Such state of body and mind won't last forever for sure.

[Sheila]

Iggy -- I'm sorry you're going through such an awful time. It will definitely get better. I, also, think you should stay on the current dose until you stabilize -- not go up or down. Let's see what happens in the next two weeks, and maybe it will become more clear whether your next drop needs to be smaller.

Keep saying to yourself that the depressive thoughts and feelings are *not* accurate. They are distortions and exaggerations. They are chemical.

[Iggy131313]

I can only make drops of 2.5 becuase each drop of liquid is 2.5 so it will have to be 7.5, 5, 2.5 off.

Do you really think I can recover fully? Have you seen it happen? sometimes I think I must be causing these feelings myself, but I dont know, I have never been like this before so it cant be me.

anyway it must be the middle of the night where you are sheila, what are you doing up?

[stan]

i have seen many 4 years very well recovered, and unfortunately long-termers not so good recovered, but they have all suffered many months;
as my friends told you, in your case i would stay and wait, normally after several days it has to be better, but do not drop more, wait a little more before

[Cosette123]

Stay strong Iggy,you WILL heal from these awful symptomes .I have been deeply depressed like you;I was unable to see anything positive in my life and unable to go outside for months because of agoraphobia.Now I feel better, I have hobbies again and even if I still have some physical problems, my life has become almost "normal" again.

[Luc]

You will heal, Iggy, even if at the present moment it feels so bad.

[Iggy131313]

Thanks guys, Stan I was on clexa for 2.5 years not 4, thats needinghelp.

But the RI really aggrivated things GOD HOW I WISH I HAD KNOWN WHAT WAS HAPPENING WHEN THE PANIC ATTACKS HIT 5 MONTHS AFTER CTing!

I would be 8 months out by now AGGGHHHHH!!

[Dédé]

Hello Iggy,

I understand your rage at all those horrible withdrawal symptoms. They can be temporary even though they are very long and very strong.
With all my heart, e wish you better!
Hold right, you will heal!

Dédé

[Iggy131313]

you are all very kind, and Im pleased to report that today has been alot better. I feel more stable and the depression and anhedonia has lifted, Ive just had a mild/moderate anxiety all day but have managed to go food shopping alone, then I went out to a toy shop to buy my little boy something for christmas and then picked him up from school before cooking dinner for everyone.

What a difference a day makes eh? yesterday I couldnt leave the bedroom!

But now its 5.30pm and Im feeling a little worn out from a busy day (not a busy day in normal circumstances but busy for w/d) so Ive taken myself away to sit in the bedroom and relax in peace.

Im going to have a nice hot bath now and get my pjs on and then read my book in bed with a cup of warm milk, these are the things that brings me comfort.