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Thread: Not Coping Well Today

  1. 01-05-2013 06:56 PM #1
    Elizabeth
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    Not Coping Well Today

    My mood is swinging like a pendulum. I feel totally hopeless and helpless right now. I can't describe the incredible sadness and crying jags. I miss my friends who died by suicide. Two in almost 2 years is TOO MUCH TOO MUCH!!!! <SOBBING> I WANT THEM BACK! WHY did this have to happen. WHY?
    And I almost did myself in too but miraculously survived and now I am going thru this W/D hell and I can't close my eyes at night without absolute dread. I am stuck in this house and can't get around. Pent up frustration and anger. Tried to have a short nap and I lay in a ball on my bed bawling. I think I'm going crazy!!!!! <SOBBING>
    On SSRIs and SNRIs since 2005 with no break
    Benzo free since 2010
    Trazodone 200mg since 2008 and recently tapered to 0mg in just over once month (December 2012)
    Cymbalta 120mg since 2008

    "Don't look back, you aren't going that way" "The miracle is this......The more we share, The more we have" Leonard Nimoy
  2. 01-05-2013 07:32 PM #2
    Luc
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    I so know what you mean, Elizabeth, but what you are feeling right now is only a transitory stage. The suffering won't last forever. Remember, it's *not* real you. It's WD and it will pass. The "pendulum" will swing back again. You will feel better hopefully soon. Just hang in there. The window will open.
    Keep walking. Just keep walking.
  3. 01-05-2013 11:54 PM #3
    stan
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    withdrawal is have bad days and better days, i experience it since a while, today was not famous for me, but i had worse days , so i try to be busy, to not think to much about
    12 years paxil(9 years only 10 mg) - cold turkey(1,5 month) and switch celexa tapered 1 year 20 mg
    62 years old - for GAD - 4 years 3 months meds free [since april 2009]
    vegetables soup - orange (vit C) - curcuma - some meat or fish
  4. 01-06-2013 12:33 AM #4
    Sheila
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    Oh, Elizabeth, how much I have cried during this journey. It is a combo of meaningless neuro chaos and meaningful purge of old traumas and it's nearly impossible in the moment to know which is which. So, let yourself cry, and then try to take a break from it. Don't let it go on and on. Going to sleep is excellent. Or annie's tip of distracting with some uplifting movie, book, or food.

    Send your two friends love and healing. They're probably getting help now, and are much better than they were before. I believe the Tao / God will turn these deaths into something good -- for them and for you.
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit
  5. 01-06-2013 07:17 PM #5
    m&m
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    Hi Elizabeth. Gosh, I know what you mean about thinking about your friends who decided suicide was there only way out. May they rest in peace. When you are in the current situation it really will intensify the pain and hopelessness, but there is hope. Just keep holding on. Sorry for your loss. It really doesn't have to be the end of the road. Recovery will hapen. This is really so horrible, I was talking to a friend the other day who had mentioned that someone they knew had been placed on SSRI's and committed suicide. It is all to real, as we here know what the SSRI's can do. Just hang in there and your healing will happen. Don't give up on the brink of a miracle. Praying for you and a speedy recovery. As the others have said, this is not the real you.
  6. 01-07-2013 12:44 AM #6
    Elizabeth
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    Thank you everyone for your kindness, compassion and of words of wisdom/support! God Bless You All. Today has been a bit better in that I haven't hidden in bed or in the basement. I went to church today and the noise of the music was making my W/D symptoms worse and I cried for half the service (quietly of course) but I didn't care what ppl thought. For me, faith is everything. And just showing up made me think. HA, I am NOT going to let this situation win! Tomorrow is going to be hugely stressful but one HOUR at a time, one MINUTE at time and the day will pass eventually.
    On SSRIs and SNRIs since 2005 with no break
    Benzo free since 2010
    Trazodone 200mg since 2008 and recently tapered to 0mg in just over once month (December 2012)
    Cymbalta 120mg since 2008

    "Don't look back, you aren't going that way" "The miracle is this......The more we share, The more we have" Leonard Nimoy
  7. 01-07-2013 03:53 PM #7
    Elizabeth
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    One minute at a time......need to get thru this day! My eyes are so puffy from crying. I look like I've been beaten up. One is half closed. I look atrocious. LOVELY.
    On SSRIs and SNRIs since 2005 with no break
    Benzo free since 2010
    Trazodone 200mg since 2008 and recently tapered to 0mg in just over once month (December 2012)
    Cymbalta 120mg since 2008

    "Don't look back, you aren't going that way" "The miracle is this......The more we share, The more we have" Leonard Nimoy
  8. 01-07-2013 04:02 PM #8
    Luc
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    Hang in there! Really good to hear it eased up a bit for you today, Elizabeth. Yes, step by step. And then one more step again. Until you heal...
    Keep walking. Just keep walking.
  9. 01-07-2013 11:49 PM #9
    Sheila
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    Brava, Elizabeth! You're been very brave!
    Meds free since June 2005.

    "An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
    -- Holger Kalweit
  10. 01-08-2013 08:36 PM #10
    Elizabeth
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    Quote Originally Posted by Sheila View Post
    Brava, Elizabeth! You're been very brave!
    Thank you! I know I owe you a PM but have been hanging on by a thread in the last few days. Sorry. I SO appreciated hearing from youl.
    On SSRIs and SNRIs since 2005 with no break
    Benzo free since 2010
    Trazodone 200mg since 2008 and recently tapered to 0mg in just over once month (December 2012)
    Cymbalta 120mg since 2008

    "Don't look back, you aren't going that way" "The miracle is this......The more we share, The more we have" Leonard Nimoy
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