What do you guys do with your time? I just feel like every hour lasts an eternity, and its such a struggle to get through each day, I cant even rely on the evenings being better because they are not always better, last night I had free floating anxiety and inner restlessness all night...that makes it sound like there are times its not there, thats not the case...Its always there but sometimes the evenings are less in intensity...I hate this life and Im very afraid...

My days look like this

12pm - wake up and get up (I know its late but I cant sleep at night and Im happy to wake up at this time as it makes the days shorter)

I then smoke and tell myself Im gong to be ok, Im going to be ok etc
CRY
1pmish- I go to the local shops for tea. I do this weird thing where if Im going to cross a road I tell myself ''look how time passes now I am at this side of the road'' and then when I have crossed I say to myself ''see the time passed, Ive crossed the road, now I cant imagine the time passing and me being in the shop'' etc etc
CRY
I come home and come on here and check my emails, I read success stories that give me hope.
CRY
3pm - I walk to get my son from school, its horrific, I see the other parents all normal and enjoying life as I would have done if this hadnt happened.
CRY
4pm - I ususally play mario on the wii with my boy watching because this is something he enjoys and I try to focus my mind away from w/d, It does NOT work.....during the next 2 hours (between 4 and 6) I notice my discomfort increases, I think its because of the cortisol spike at this time.
BIG BIG CRY
5pm - I make my son his tea and run a bath for myself
CRY
5.30pm - I have a bath and try to relax or something close to it, of course it doesnt work I only have this daily bath (apart from hygeine) to fill the time.
REALLY MASSIVE CRYING FIT HERE
6pm - maybe more mario, or try to read a book
CRY
7pm - Put my son to bed - horrific, makes me so sad
MAJOR CRYING BREAKDOWN
7.30pm - once again try to fill the time, come on here, read, mario
CRY
10pm - My hubby will go to bed - I continue with what whatever I was doing
CRY
12 misnight - 3am - This is when I get a little relief usually, I make something to eat, and read my book on the sofa.
BED - cry myself to sleep and hope that I die in my sleep, imagine Im dying and the pain will stop

That is how my days go, sounds like fun?