ps: Cossette;..what does "culpability" means?

Wow!What a mistake I did! I meant "guilt" ("culpabilité in french).My english which was very good a few years ago became crappy because of the w/d!
I have had this feeling of guilt for years: I felt guilty to be alive.I have always lived with the feeling that my mother did not love me, nor accept me.
And I have always tried to punish myself(Automutilation, high anxiety...)