The Recovery Will Happen - Luc's journal

[Luc]

Yes, we will get there, no matter what. There may still be some way ahead, but we haven't given up, and we kept walking... Just a little bit more...

[Sheila]

Luc – I’m so sorry you’re having to go through all this suffering.

From what you wrote here and on the other thread, I wonder if it might help a teeny bit to focus on grounding yourself in your body on this planet. It sounds like you’re feeling weak and faint and untethered.

You might try focusing on your breathing periodically – it doesn’t have to be anything fancy. In fact, don’t breathe too hard. Just notice your belly rising, and try to relax the muscles.

You might also visualize a cord or tree roots or light going down through you from your head, out your feet, into the Earth, connecting with the very center of the Earth. Feel your weight and gravity and the strength of th Earth supporting you. Do that when you’re feeling weak.

[Luc]

That's some really good ideas, Sheila. Some time ago, I started those very short "meditation" sessions. I think, I'm nearing the point when it will slowly start working. I will combine it with what you wrote about in your post. Thanks a lot!

[stan]

the exercise thing will improve, but it is very slow and always the wave/window pattern

[Sheila]

That’s great that you started doing mini-meditations, Luc! That’s how I started, too, at about your point in w/d.

[Mike]

Ok, update, especially on the total inability to tolerate *any* physical exertion front; walking from one room to another more than once at a time (this is not a hyperbole!), would each time bring the worsening of symptoms. Despite some problems with my stomach recently, which, temporarily, worsened the symptoms a lot, there happened another thing... Ok, every previous time, after I had really hoped that I might be able to move around more, in 24-36 hours after the physical exertion, it all went very bad. Now, for the first time, the symptoms, even if worsened, they are NOT strong enough to "talk me out" of those exercises. And I'm pretty darn sure about it, for, despite this bad stomach, I was doing very mild exercises in an attempt to speed up a metabolism a little bit, get more oxygen, etc., and so far much more than 36 hours passed since the exertion and I'm hanging in here. Eat it, WD!

PS I hope that the stomach problems won't be back either...

This is great to hear, Luc. Even if this wavers and you backslide a little bit (as I often have) it's a very good sign that you can experience such improvement. This is not an anomaly. Exercise no matter how mild can be helpful. They say that the patients that walk in hospitals always recovery more quickly. And as you know exercise promotes neuroplasticity, angiogensis, etc. Also, with exercise you are giving your body practice at regulating itself.

[Luc]

I'm dropping by to say that, despite my still not being there yet, and the present wave, which has been hand in hand/was partially caused by some very stressful events life-wise recently, I realize more and more how much it has managed to improve since early WD. Well, I wish the symptoms were improving faster, but, the most important thing is that they *do* improve. What helps (at *that* phase of WD) is to find something you are able to do to and keep doing it. Though, it needs to be remembered too, that any rushing things too early will work just the oposite, especially after going cold-turkey. The same with controlling so excruciatingly painful obsessive thoughts and many other symptoms - the changes on physiological level made by drugs are too profound. The laws applicable in the "healthy people's universe" do not work in ours. I remember so well, when in early WD, my body and mind were immersed in such hell, the only thing I could do was to simply survive it second after second.

Bottomline: do *not* blame yourself for not being able to speed up the healing, do *not* push things too much, do *not* expose yourself to too much stimuli too early.

Then, when the time is ripe (in case of some, it may happen faster than others), you will be able to control your thoughts and actions better, and the healing will eventually come. And, even if slowly, we will all get there. Stay strong.

[Mike]

Now, I am remembering how it bad it was for you earlier on (your pp posts). I am just so glad that as bad as things are now that you can see the improvement and use this to sustain you as you wend your way through this years long journey. I hope I haven't said this already (memory issues) but I thought of you when I read a book about a woman hiking the Pacific Crest Trail. At a low point she remarked that all she could do was to "keep on walking" and learn from the things she had experienced on the trail. Keep on walking, Luc. You are putting up a beautiful fight.

-Mike

[Luc]

Let us add one more piece to the Healing at a time, Mike. Even if so often we have to give half of it back to WD. The real worst already *was* and it will never be back. And, our bodies haven't said the last word yet.

[Claudius]

Good to read about the improvements Luc! And indeed in early WD it was way worse. You are totally right in the sense that we must not punish ourselves about the slowliness of recovery and the impossibility of speeding the proces up. Only it is a pity that we are disabled for sooo long, and a support frame is absolutely essnatial to travel through this dark tunnel
I am hindered by waves still after 5 years in WD now, but there IS so much recovery, I work now from home as a Web developer for 4 hours a day in a paid job. Still not enough to be financially self supporting but the beginning is finally there! And that was absolutely impossible during the first few years of WD.
I am sure we will beat this crap one day. And we are past the worst now, although I still cry when reading some Dutch fora about people who are have hit the full horror of WD, some uf them not able to reinstate anymore. I try to give them the best advice I can.
Thanx for your update and I still have not forgotten about that vodka in a Krakov pub!