RubyTuesday Introduction

[RubyTuesday]

Hi Everyone,
I am totally thrilled to find this forum. This is the best one I have found. I actually went online a
couple of weeks ago and googled "Antidepressants Anonymous" because I had decided it was time,
but I have some issues with internet searching, and it took me till last night to find this one.

I LOVE THE I CHING HEXAGRAM!!! THAT SAYS IT ALL.
And, I have always been in the vanguard, most of my life (sob sob)

Here is my thumbnail sketch of my saga with psychomeds:
May 8, 2013
June 1996 Paxil 1 day. Extreme agitation. Feb 02 Prozac + BC pill. till Fall 2010 + increasing alcohol/weed. Told OK to raise or lower depending on menstrual cycle. June 2009 stop BC pill, escalate
weed due to painful menstruation. start menopause. Winter 10-11 stop alcohol/sugar/gluten. Stop Prozac. March 2011 stop weed. April 2011 re-start Prozac. May 2011 stop Prozac try Celexa
Lexipro stop all SSRI. (re)start Xanax/Ativan daily till September 2011 stop benzos. lose my mind. October 2011 start Lamictal. November 2011 Mom diagnosed terminal. December 2011 start
Seroquel & Remiron. February 2012 stop Remiron start Wellbutrin stop WB back to R. April 2012 Mom dies. June 2012 have tapered Remiron from 45 down to 7.5 over several months. April 2013
(concluding Remiron is making me more depressed, not less) Remiron down to 3.75. Planning to
change frequency from 24 hours to 36 to 48 and so forth, playing it by ear. At lower doses I am extremely on edge. N.P. told me I have paradoxical reaction to meds; normally R is sedating at lower doses and activating at higher, me opposite. Holding Lamictal steady at 50m. + 12.5m; extra Seroquel prn. + 25m at night.
Today I feel better than I have since I dropped from 7.5 to 3.75; so I might hold it steady for a bit while I catch up with my life...
Blessings to everyone...
RubyTuesday