I just wanted to say that.....here are a few uplifting extracts from emails I have recieved from people who have recovered, I thought it may help some people
all of these people have fully recovered and are living happy lifes, and they are all from different people
1) Please believe me when I tell you the first full 18-24 months were nothing short of pure agony for me and those who love me. All I would do is cry and writhe in pain in my bed. I was not functional at all. I would cling to the experiences of others at PP for hope of recovery, but to be honest, I did not believe I could recover. I was just staying for the sake of others. I was afraid of death but I was certain I would not be able to live in the horrible state I was in during those first couple of years. It was heartbreaking. I didn't want to die but knew I could not live in my body while experiencing constant burning, anxiety and muscle spasms so strong I felt as though I would literally explode. I just wanted to escape from my body in which I was trapped. No words can adequately describe what it was like. I was in survival mode and prayed for healing or death constantly. I am so sorry you are going through this. How long has it been since you discontinued?
2) As for anxiety during the withdrawal, it was so bad I thought I might die. It was pure torture, as was the inner restlessness which I thought would never leave me. To my relief eventually both went away completely.
I have no sensitivities to medications now, although I couldn't handle caffeine or alcohol for a very long time, but now can.
I also had crippling agoraphobia which eventually resolved too.
cannot tell you what a wreck I was. I could hardly speak, and could hardly stand up because my body was so poisoned
It must be incredibly tough to get through this when you also have a child. I cannot even begin to imagine.
I do sincerely believe that you WILL heal. You need to be a warrior, and fight through this minute by minute. Eventually there will be light at the end of the tunnel
I really do feel completely well. To be honest, the experience was so torturous that feeling 99,8 % healed now feels like 150% because the low was so low, if you know what I mean. I didn't know that such suffering was possible, or that you could feel that awful and survive. It is indescribable.
3) Yeah, I didn't really improve in a year. I went up and down a bit - and I guess nothing was as bad as the three-month period shortly after coming off - but at a year off I was totally fucked up and desperate. I wasn't too brilliant after two years, but I'll tell you something - how I felt after two years was VERY different to how I felt after one year. So even if you are going to be in for the long haul here, don't think you'll be spending it all feeling as terrible as you do now. As soon as you see some improvement, and get it into your head that you are improving... you'll get impatient after that, but you won't feel as completely hopeless as you do now.
Yeah of course I felt like that. I still got bad feelings that this was the case very late on - I remember after I started getting properly better, I had my last really serious wave of returning symptoms (because it was up and down like that for a while), and I was thinking "oh God, this will be going on for the rest of my life". This is when I knew deep down I was getting better. But I still got that pessimistic because it's part of the bloody condition, isn't it? When your brain is freaking out like that, of course you feel pessimistic. It's easier said than done, but you just have to keep on top of it... I mean, you talk about going out and having a meal etc. and feeling shit. But you're out there doing it, you're not under the table screaming "I'm an orange!! Help me!!" or whatever would be happening if you were REALLY tripped out. And over time, doing these normal things will start to feel more normal and more natural, until in the end you're just doing it and not thinking about it. The point is, focus on what you're capable of doing, not the fact that you don't feel comfortable doing it. The fact is, you can do it, and that's the part of what's going on that you should focus on. Because improvement snowballs... in the same way you can drag yourself down into the pit by thinking doom and gloom (which your brain picks up and runs with), you can very slowly haul yourself out by recognising little positive things and concentrating on that.
I mean, I know I sound like a "positive thinking" dick, which isn't me at all. But when you're really up against the wall like this, you have to do things a bit differently. Sure, acknowledge all the shit, all the hopeless feelings, because you can't pretend it's not happening and you can't pretend that;s not how you feel. But be aware of the other voice saying "Don't be a fucking idiot, do you want to die here or do you want to get better, for your own sake and the sake of your kid? Because if there's even a 5% chance of that happening, you have to try and meet it halfway." Just having a thought like that in the back of your mind, however weird it feels... it's important.
4) I did consider myself one of the worse cases that I read about. As far as feeling suicidal I was very focused on recovering for my kids and had a very strong religious faith which got me through.
That about sums it up...I had the “terror” feelings also, but that is all gone. I don’t want to make light of recovery because it is very difficult. But, you do recover it is very important to have support from your family and it does take time.
I did find a therapist that validated that it was a drug withdrawal and that helped. Sometimes in the beginning it was just a minute or two at a time. I listed to relaxation tapes, played games on the computer or for the most part just sat on the couch. There were times that I could do more and then I would. Also, there were times that I thought I couldn’t do anything, but I forced myself even though I was a mess.
I am so sorry you are going through this...first let me say that I feel perfectly normal now and am fully recovered.
Yes the “inner restlessness” to me was the worst symptom and it did go away completely, but it did take quite some time. I would say that I was able to do more at about 2 ½ years. It was still rough going at times after that, but I was able to do more at that time. I read that your Mom was coming to help you from time to time. It is very important to have support to get through this. I did have many “weird” symptoms, but some specifics have faded for me now, thankfully. I know how hard it is, but you will recover.
thats all for now folks, today I dont think i will recover and Im not doing well at all, but I was reading thee to try and help myself and thought others may benefit from them also. I wish I could fast foward time
