My mood is swinging like a pendulum. I feel totally hopeless and helpless right now. I can't describe the incredible sadness and crying jags. I miss my friends who died by suicide. Two in almost 2 years is TOO MUCH TOO MUCH!!!! <SOBBING> I WANT THEM BACK! WHY did this have to happen. WHY?
And I almost did myself in too but miraculously survived and now I am going thru this W/D hell and I can't close my eyes at night without absolute dread. I am stuck in this house and can't get around. Pent up frustration and anger. Tried to have a short nap and I lay in a ball on my bed bawling. I think I'm going crazy!!!!! <SOBBING>