These are very important words you have written here, M&M. They will help many people on the board.Originally Posted by m&m
These are very important words you have written here, M&M. They will help many people on the board.
Keep walking. Just keep walking.
when we are in this deep withdrawal, some people put themself in "survival mode", doing nothing, only try to survive and let time pass, because with time it will be less intense(with up and down often)
it does not stay for ever
12 years paxil(9 years only 10 mg) - cold turkey(1,5 month) and switch celexa tapered 1 year 20 mg
62 years old - for GAD - 4 years 3 months meds free [since april 2009]
vegetables soup - orange (vit C) - curcuma - some meat or fish
5 MONTHS OFF ALL MEDS, 8 MONTHS SINCE COLD TURKEY
Achiness: dull aches and pains all over the body - GONE
Agitation: restless, feeling a need to move around, ‘antsy’ feeling - BETTER
Anger/Rage: often unexplained, tantrums, loss of temper with no apparent cause - SAME
Apathy: lack of motivation, lack of interest in self or others, emotionally flat, socially withdrawn, flatness - WORSE
Back pain: lower, mid, upper, coccyx - BETTER
Balance problems/Dizziness: feeling unsteady on feet, room ‘spinning’ even when sitting or lying, feeling drunk - ONLY HAVE THIS SOME DAYS NOT 24/7 ANYMORE
Benzo belly: distension, bloat, pot belly, abnormally large, looking ‘pregnant’ - SAME
Blurred vision: everything appears blurred, problems reading and seeing generally - SAME
Body temperature: fluctuations - GONE
Brain fog: feeling as if observing through a cloud, reduced clarity - SAME
Concentration loss: inability to focus attention and/or acquire new information - SAME
Confusion: simple tasks are difficult, unable to decipher directions or follow simple instructions - SAME
Crying spells: feeling weepy at times without being able to identify a specific trigger, inability to stop crying - MUCH BETTER, CRY MAYBE EVERY OTHER DAY NOT 24/7 ANYMORE
Depersonalisation: altered perception, dissociated feelings, detached from self, feeling like alien in own body, disconnected - EXTREME
Depressive mood: low, heavy mood, flat affect, unmotivated, feeling of hopelessness - SAME
Derealisation: altered perception, dissociated feelings, feeling of being distant, cut off, being in a dream-like state, surreal - EXTREME
Emotional blunting or anaesthesia: inability to feel emotions whether positive or negative, not connected to authentic feelings - WORSE
Eyes: sore, dry, red, tired, blurred vision, double vision, floaters, glazed, glassy appearance - SAME BUT FLUCTUATES
False sensations of moving (perception distortion): feel as if body is moving or chair or bed - SAME
Fatigue/Lethargy: extreme tiredness, listlessness, lacking in energy - WORSE SOME DAYS
Fear (organic)/Impending doom: fear surpassing natural anxiety/concerns re withdrawal, not identifiable with a thought or feeling, feels inauthentic but overwhelming, scared that something ‘terrible’ is about to happen, intense fear of dying - BETTER
Glassy eyes: eyes look like those of a street drug addict’s, glazed and shiny - SAME
Headaches/Tight band around head: feeling as if an imaginary band around head is constantly being tightened, throbbing pain in head, migraine-like headaches, pain in temples - BETTER SOMETIMES
Hearing hypersensitivity/Hyperacusis: exaggerated sound, cutlery, crockery, environmental sounds ‘nerve-shatteringly loud’, people sound as if they are shouting - SAME
Heart: palpitations, irregular beats, thumping, beating loudly, feels as if jumping out of chest cavity - MUCH BETTER! ONLY EXPERIENCE PALPITATIONS NOW AND AGAIN
Inner trembling/Shaking/Vibrating (perception distortion):feeling of body trembling or vibrating ‘on the inside’ - BETTER
Intrusive memories: unwanted and persistent memory sometimes of traumatic events - SAME
Irritability: very low tolerance levels, easily irritated - SAME
Jumpiness: on edge, startled by sounds or people, extremely nervous - SAME
Libido loss: loss of interest in sexual intercourse - SAME
Light hypersensitivity: everything seems intensely and unbearably bright, feeling the need to wear sun glasses even inside, unable to look at computer screen - WORSE
Memory impairment: short-term memory loss, ‘gaps in memory’ where unable to recall specific events, memory lapses (side effect of drug as well as symptom) - SAME
Mood swings: extreme and rapid changes in moods, one minute feeling optimistic then very low, feeling ‘bipolar’, feeling manic then depressed - SAME
Nausea: feeling of wanting to throw up all the time, feeling of being seasick - ONLY IN MORNINGS NOW
Obsessive thoughts: repetitive, unwanted thoughts - BETTER
Perception Distortion: Speech is distorted, unable to follow a conversation, time delay or inability to reconcile words being uttered with movement of mouth - SAME
Tinnitus: constant or intermittent ringing in the ears, high-pitched noise in ears - SOMETIMES BETTER
Im not doing well, the DP/DR keeps feeling worse. I feel completely gone and I hope and pray everyday that it will dissapear completely. I am struggling to live like this
I just stare blankly at everything like an idiot. My eyes are so sore i feel completely zoned out. I dont know whats happening around me and the worst part is i dont care. I am completely apathetic and anhedonia is in full force
Ive noticed that im very dizzy and have heart palpitations since ive been back at work... I didnt have that for a while, now its back again.
It looks like, on average, it's been improving, Needinghelp. 11 better and 3 worse, and the list will be getting shorter and shorter. You're doing incredible job. Your body is putting up a great fight. Even if it doesn't fully feel that way yet, your CNS is healing day and night.
Keep walking. Just keep walking.
with all i know, i think you are not so bad, many are really worse, your derealization libido and anxiety etc will slowly diminish, but take time because your environment work is emotional stressing, in another hand it is good because when you will be very better, you will used in your environment
12 years paxil(9 years only 10 mg) - cold turkey(1,5 month) and switch celexa tapered 1 year 20 mg
62 years old - for GAD - 4 years 3 months meds free [since april 2009]
vegetables soup - orange (vit C) - curcuma - some meat or fish
You are clearly getting better overall at really a very good pace. Don't worry that a couple of things are worse. That's totally classic for this recovery syndrome.
Just continue to treat yourself with a lot of compassion and extra help. You're still recovering and need support -- from yourself! But, it's happening, NH!
<NH's nervous system cleaning itself up.
Meds free since June 2005.
"An initiation into shamanic healing means a devaluation of all values, an overturning of the profane world, a peeling away of inveterate handed-down notions of the world, liberation from everything preconceived. For that reason, shamanism is closely connected with suffering. One must suffer the disintegration of one's own system of thought in order to perceive a new world in the higher space."
-- Holger Kalweit
Its been 8.5 Months for me and honestly I dont know what to say anymore. The suffering is so incredibly intense i dont even feel like talking about it anymore. If i think of all that ive been through this past year, i cant believe it. Its been a whole year since i started tapering the drug, so a whole year of suffering for me.
My immune system crashed so badly, my emotions are completely gone, i feel like i dont exist anymore and the worst of it all, I dont know who i am anymore.
I never believed that at this time, i would be worse than ever. I feel like ive had some sort of stroke, my eyes are so distorted, im extremely sensitive to light, i cant handle any stress or stimulation, i feel out of body and completely disconnected from reality. I am extremely terrified that this wont go away. The fear I have is something i cant even explain. My anxiety is off charts. I sleep 8 hours a night, but when i wake up it feels like i didnt sleep at all, i have no sense of time, life is just passing me by and i dont know whats happening around me. How can this be happening to me? I have such bad apathy, that i dont care if i die. I cry uncontrollably to anything. I get upset about everything and i hate waking up in the mornings. Im sometimes scared to go to sleep, because im scared i dont wake up, or scared i wake up paralysed. Memories from my past keep popping up, i can remember things from the age of 2 now, and all of them, good and bad, have a sense of fear attached to them when i remember them. I have bad woman problems i never had before, i have regret and guilt so bad, i hate myself and my life.
Then i see people complaining about anxiety, depression and a few small things. They have no idea. I would give anything to only have those symptoms. Anything.
I try my best to stay positive, but its hard. Its hard living like this. I have to live my life, but i cant. Im thinking of quiting my job. I dont have anything left to live for, so why even bother working? Everyone is promising me that things will get better, but when? And how? I feel like im so deep in this hole it will be impossible to get out of it. How can a person who only took paxil for 4 years suffer this much? Ok i might have had an adverse reaction or whatever on top of it, but i have Never seen anyone suffer like this. I think the only one i saw with similar symptoms was Tryingtogetwell.
God, if you can hear me, please, i am begging you, keep my family safe and healthy, and please, let there be an end to this suffering. Please let me see improvements and completely heal from this.
Those symptoms are a hellish nightmare. WD affects the body on all possible levels. And one of the symptoms is a total inability to actually believe it will eventually improve. But it always, even if not fast enough, starts to improve at some point.
Keep walking. Just keep walking.
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