Mike--So sorry to hear you are not feeling well. I get what you are saying above. Here's something I've been considering:
Resignation is a word that probably sounds very negative to most Americans--we're such a go getter bunch (we did win the war). In japan there is a saying, shi katta ga nai (it means roughly, there's nothing we can do about it)--it expresses a kind of resignation.
When I lived there it really captured a spirit that was foreign to me-- the sense of resignation. I didn't get it.
At this moment, I notice that a kind of resignation is really not depression, and its more relaxing than fighting (banging head against wall). I am thinking about resignation in a way that is not negative like its usually viewed -- not defeatist. there's a serenity to it--it sounds like giving up, but it's not. As a go getter American, it doesn't really seem like an ideal state, but it's kind of neutral, and I kind of like it.
Just a thought . . .