Nancy's Journal

[Luc]

Yes, you will find them in the journals section, Nancy.

[nancys]

I am getting better. at 28 days of 40mg celexa. and 28 days 200mg trazadone. doing much better but long way to go. feel some normal feelings like i did a year ago. more relaxed, able to handle life a bit, like i will be able to do more tasks soon, able to enjoy weather more. been sick with horrible cold for 2 weeks. still quite weak. so i will see how i do as cold goes away more and celexa kicks in more cause they say 4-6 weeks for full effect. need to feel even better though. still cant function basically. but not having to escape myself every second, by doing something, due to suffering and fear of killing self. feel there is hope. but fear maybe drugs wont totally help and i will suffer really bad for a long time. very confusing cause went broke right after took self off drugs last spring. so hard to know what is caused by that and what is caused by wd. also got off certain drugs, like seroquel, so maybe they were masking stuff and the new drugs arent' going to. but dont want to go on a drug that totally masks everything. dont know if it did but just worry it did. any way thank God i have you guys to support me. You all have beem instrumental in my choices and in my ability to make it through the hell. I appreciate all your help and time.

[Luc]

That is so great to hear, Nancy. It has improved a lot for you. Don't rush things. Keep stabillising, both on the physiological level of the reinstatement and catching some psychological breath after the trauma of being off of drugs so suddenly that you've been through in recent time. When you get still more footing somewhere down the road, you will be able to start thinking about a very very slow taper. But there's absolutely no rush. You also need to remember (you write about it in your post) that you may still be in a partial WD from those other drugs, and the current drugs are indeed only masking things. You just need time to feel still better I think. One thing for sure - there will come a moment when you start weaning off of the drugs, break free from them and heal.

[Sheila]

This is so good to hear. You are really doing a fantastic job. If you can do this, you can do anything else you set your mind to in the future.

[nancys]

Thank you. I consider this experience to have been like i was an isolated, tortured, hostage. or better or worse in different ways. it was brutal living hell sheer torture. Barely survived it and still need much improvement. But much less living hell torture. I cant believe i survived it. But i am a very determined person. Long way to go still.

[PAROX2010]

Nancys,
Well said!. Now stabilize and then do a good taper plan medicines. You are a very strong person

Big hugs,

[Luc]

Yes, WD is pure torture. What's most important, you've proven to yourself how strong you are, Nancy. You'll eventually heal from it.

[Sheila]

That's great you recognize you are a very determined person. You have a lot of strengths and it's good for you to notice that and give yourself more credit!

[nancys]

the doc just added wellbutrin to my medications 8 days ago. said she does serotonin and norepinephrine drugs together and only did mine separate cause i have had such bad reactions to some of drugs taken in past. anyway on day 7 was very hard to focus, much brain pain with focusing, couldnt sit still, high physical not emotional anxiety, couldnt stand being with self. i called her and we stopped it day 8. feeling better already. it was bad. anyway i think it is proof more and more that drugs on at time of brain injury and changes they made all were making me worse. cause this was similar to that and i wasn't on full dose. Also more proof i do have brain injury cause used to tolerate the meds. never ever had these issues with meds for 27 years before wreck. not one med. that matters cause i still have a workers compensation case i have to fight when feel better where they claim i only needed 10 therapy visits from wreck for stress and rest is from my childhood. i felt horrendous after the wreck and improved slowly but still very ill when went off meds last spring. i never ever felt this was childhood stuff. the horrendous brain pain, inablity to google search, or grocery shop do to inablity to think, walked around like had flu for 6 months, could not talk to people or do much cause it would hurt my brain, only thing that didnt hurt my brain was watching tv for many many months or even more than a year can think right right now. oh and then when i wanted an mri my lawyer got off my case claiming i was a fraud cause wanted mri. like i said befoer it took 15 primary cares, psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologist and inaccurate reading from radiologist before told i had brain injury. anyway it has been hell what all these people caused me to go through. horrible. whatever. i am just more convinced now of meds causing much of my suffering after brain injury. but unfortunately we have to wait two weeks to see what else to do depending on how i feel in 2 weeks. Still need much relief from depression and severe anxiety

[Luc]

That is really good you didn't continue with the Wellbutrin, Nancy. Adding more drugs at that point may only worsen your symptoms. Talking of your brain injury, just remember one thing - you're still in the process of healing in that respect. It will keep improving, even if slowly. Hang in there!