Cognitive problems

[Luc]

As much as I realize that certain symptoms have disappeared and some abated for me, there are still those that worsened. And I'm wondering - is it, indeed, them worsening, or they didn't get worse, but they just feel like being worse due to the improvement in other areas - since the worst of the worst has already been, what I'm going through right now (I'm at 3 years off after a double c/t) I paid less attention to earlier in WD. I very much mean here cognitive problems; associating, reading and writing - they all got absurdly difficult. I also forget the easiest of words, confuse them all, confuse the word order. The number of malapropisms per square sentence is at its all time high these days. Not to mention my being unable to remember the most recent of events, names, etc. What is it like in your case?

[Cosette123]

Hi Luc!
I have the same cognitive problems at 40 months off (Sigh :((()
I have up and down:at the moment I don't feel very well and the cog problems are increasing.I am unable to read a whole book and writing is difficult:It's as if I had nothing interesting to say...
And the difficulties get worse when I have to write in english .These problems can surely be related with my current high level of anxiety.

[Samsara]

Hi Luc...............


just want to let you know that you are not alone in what you describe. I too am having more difficulty in the some of the areas you mention despite the improvements in other symptoms.

The rumination factor involved in constructing my thoughts, in written form, has greatly increased as well.

I will share more another time since, I need to get off-line for the evening.


Samsara

[Sheila]

My cognitive abilities and fine motor skills wax and wane – sometimes obviously in response to a stressor, sometimes in what appears to be simply the Rubik’s Cube nature of neurological healing. But, overall, they have definitely improved a lot – except for my ability to write a small letter “a”….

[Samsara]

Hi Luc........

I've been wanting to respond to your post since, I too am experiencing some of what you speak of.

As much as I realize that certain symptoms have disappeared and some abated for me, there are still those that worsened. And I'm wondering - is it, indeed, them worsening, or they didn't get worse, but they just feel like being worse due to the improvement in other areas - since the worst of the worst has already been, what I'm going through right now (I'm at 3 years off after a double c/t) I paid less attention to earlier in WD.

I completely understand what you stating. I ask myself the exact same questions as I try to figure out the "whys" of what is happening and when etc. I can only share what I believe but do keep in mind that I'm not proclaiming to be right in my humble analysis. (lol)

I do believe you are right about many things. As we recover from some symptoms others appear to feel more distressing as they become the dominate players in the WD picture. When we are bombarded with 30 plus torturous symptoms simultaneously (in earlier WD) the level of torture is so extreme that it's next to impossible to separate and differentiate the intensity of one symptom from another.


I very much mean here cognitive problems; associating, reading and writing - they all got absurdly difficult. I also forget the easiest of words, confuse them all, confuse the word order. The number of malapropisms per square sentence is at its all time high these days. Not to mention my being unable to remember the most recent of events, names, etc. What is it like in your case?
I completely understand. I can only share my experience and thoughts however, they may or may not translate to your situation.

In early WD I was far worse in regard to all the details you have mentioned above. My mind was in such a complete state of chaos that the simplest of mental tasks became extremely complex endeavors for my brain. However, I went through a long phase of what I consider a "manic high" due to excruciating levels of anxiety where my mind became sharper in way of constructing my thoughts in written. I didn't appear to be at a loss for words, my ideas were sharper and I was able to transmit them more easily and effectively. I didn't feel as confused during those times, although I was unable to read anything lengthy and still can't. (lol)

I looked back on some of the things I wrote and it feels like I'm reading someone else's writing since, I feel completely incapable of constructing such thoughts at this time.

However, for some time now, I seem to have diminished mental capacities in the areas you speak about. My mind gets locked into confusion over spelling the simplest of words. My ability to construct a sentence feels very labored and seriously challenging, hence it takes me forever to construct my thoughts.

I'm even confused about the use of basic punctuation, grammar etc. and I will also ruminate to insane levels about all this. (lol) I'm also becoming more confused regarding the definition of many words. I more than second guess myself and this has become a chronic problem.

I can only theorize as to why this is happening at this stage of WD and I am, in no way believing that I'm right about this. (lol) I will share my thoughts but keep in mind this is MY way of rationalizing and coping with feelings of inadequacies at this time. (lol)

I believe my brain (mind) as well as internal energy is becoming very fatigued due to the length of protracted WD. I try to keep in mind that those who have never been assaulted by psyche drugs will experience the same mental confusion and fatigue during times of immediate stress, not to mention the cumulative effect of chronic stressors and thus, will encounter memory problems and/or confusion over things that they've engaged in for years.

So, if this occurs to such people .........think of how much more profound we feel these effects. Our minds and bodies have been through an exceptional degree of chronic and intense stress. It's only natural that our mind and body will now start to become fatigued and with this fatigue comes confusion, inability to concentrate etc. etc.

High levels of stress and/or anxiety will create all that you have spoke about but conversely, fatigue/depletion will also produce the same consequences.

'With all this in mind, I'm telling myself to interpret this mental confusion stage as a good sign.(lol) It's indication that the brain and body are starting to COME DOWN from the chronic stress levels. I need to relax about the these recent events and just allow my brain and body to "just be" without trying to force them to perform at a level beyond what they are wiling or capable of, at this stage.

Our brain and body have been in super performance mode (to the max) for so long as a result of fighting to recover from psyche drug assault. It's only natural that we will now go into depletion mode. This depletion mode is what I'm trying to frame as "the ultimate rest stop". We must now allow things to settle and it may take some time but once things settle our mind and body will slowly start to build and increase and revert back to their former powers.

I didn't have too powerful a mind to begin with prior to psyche drugs (LOL). I'm serious. I never had great concentration and always had to study in small increments in order to mentally retain. I'm also the type of person who must take time to digest what my mind has taken in.......to process the information internally from spiritual, intellectual and emotional angles and explore things to the max. (lol) Nothing is black and white in my mind and never has been and thus, my learning experiences are always complicated and complex. (lol)

So, I'm a slow learner at the best of times (lol) due to these reasons. I don't believe I will ever return to the manic high that I felt during earlier phases of WD. No doubt my mind was functioning on a different level and TBH, I'm not certain what level I will be functioning at once I'm fully recovered since, I've honestly lost touch in regard to who I "was" or "am" or "capable" of being (lol) due to many back to back WD experiences.

So it will take me some time to rediscover myself and perhaps I will even reinvent myself. (lol) With all that said, I do understand that my current mental disabilities, in regard to what you have articulated, will improve as I move out of the depletion phase of recovery.

I've likely talked in circles (lol) as I've tried to respond to your post as well as try to sort out within my mind, what is going on within my situation and possibly within yours. I really don't know if any of this is of any help at all to you or anyone else for that matter. (lol) but they are my thoughts on the subject, at this moment in time.

In closing, I don't believe that I'm experiencing this confused state because many other symptoms have lessened in intensity. Rather, I believe that in MY situation, it's a matter of being in the depletion stage. Please keep in mind though, that I'm not implying that the same is true for you, nor implying that you should fully embrace my theory. (lol)

May We Soon Experience Clarity, Punctuational Precision, Exceptional Recall/Memory Skills, Grammatical Greatness etc etc. (lol)

Samsara

PS IF I've totally missed the boat regarding your post I will blame it on my current cognitive deficiencies.

[Samsara]

Folks..........

so sorry for utilizing the "blue" colour in my text. I find it's too shocking to the eyes. I did try to change the colour but I ran out of editing time. I'll try to utilize a softer colour next time around.


Samsara

[stan]

except for my ability to write a small letter “a”….

a aaaaaaaaaa? and b???

[stan]

So it will take me some time to rediscover myself and perhaps I will even reinvent myself.

well said
we cannot go back, it is past, we will all be a new one, i am already reinventing myself, even on this board (be reassured! i am on the beginning...)

Luc, i see i have also cognitive problems, but actually am busy by akathisia (mental and physical) and other withdrawal happiness,

[Samsara]

well said
we cannot go back, it is past, we will all be a new one, i am already reinventing myself, even on this board (be reassured! i am on the beginning...)

Wow Stan! so good to hear these words of self-empowerment and also good to see you are currently in the beginning stages of the self-reinvention process!! Let the reinvention of Stan begin and proceed at a linear rate.

I'm still in the fantasy stage (lol) and self-created illusions (lol).............I need to remain in this stage in order to keep myself inspired so I can navigate through the next few months. I try to escape reality as much as possible these days (lol), not because I'm afraid to feel my emotions but because my emotions are just too big ATM. If allow myself to buy into them, I sink into despair.

So, for now, I try to utilize humour and empowering images to keep myself feeling empowered on some levels. I will have to focus on self-reinvention at a later date but I WILL reinvent myself or rather, become more in touch with my authentic self. Self-honour is the ultimate rebirth experience.

Yes, you are right. The past is over.

I look forward to witnessing the magic and beauty of your self-reinvention journey.


Samsara