4.5 years off Paxil/Seroxat and counting!

[Claudius]

Again I see many familiar names from SA and PP, were many of us came from. And probably many of you will recognize my name and story.
I started Paxil in 2002, after losing my job several times within 2 years and developing panic attacks. Though I have many rejections in life, I would not describe myself as being depressed. The Paxil made me feel way better in a few weeks and I had little side effects. But I just wanted to get off after about one half year when Ihad another job.
The first attempts to get off from 10 mg were not so bad, but I got some nasty memories back and fell in the deadly trap of reinstating which almost immiediately made me feel well again. LAter w/d attempts were much worse, not to say a torturous experience. Of course my GP did not explain me anything and I never found out about w/d and tapering.
In 2007 I quit again and was determined to hang on, just to enter a unbelievable hellish rollercoaster which costed me my job, lots of money and almost my life. Diarrea, vomiting, endless crying, anger attacks, homicadal tendencies, hatred and total cognitive shutdown were only part of the torture I had to endure every day. Not before 18 months I found out about w/d on PaxilProgress, too late to reinstate. A few weeks later I got a first window lasting about 2 weeks just to get back to square one again.
From this point I met lots of people on PP and SA, did what I could to get better and started to study again to be able to re-enter the job market again some day. But recovery has been incredibly slow, with short lasting windows and awful waves in which I did some stupid and dangerous things.

Last year things go better, I am able to work about half-time but still do not have a regular job and live from my savings. Now at 4.5 years I still have neurological symptoms who are very persistent although I still feel some healing happening. I am determined to overcome this and never ever turn to psychiatric meds again and leanred also alot about myself and the world, though this process has created a lot of pain too.
I will write more later, and I wish everybody here a lot of healing and growing wisdom!

[Luc]

Hey, Claudius! So good to see you at IAWP. Just wanted to say hello now, and I'll write more in a couple of hours. Take care!

[sterre]

Hi Claudius! It is striking to read all this W/d storys with so much similarity in them....

I am sorry for you hellish W/D story, but applaud the fact that you managed to get of of them.

What kind of neurological symptoms do you suffer?

Did any of you ever considered to group up and start a law suit against the farmacy? When all the symptoms are so similair it must be possible to draw conclusions out of that? Or am I being to naive?

[Claudius]

Hi Sterre, thanx 4 your reaction. Yes I thought about this many times, I have also written my hands blue to psychiatrists and investigators just to get something of a diagnosis and recognition. Absolutely to no avail, and I have realized that it remains my word against that of a billion-dollar-industry.
Besides I did some very strange things during w/d and it will be all too easy for others to use this as an argument that I needed those meds... I am in contact with other people from my country but have come to the conclusion that a lawsuit is no possibility. Also I am living from my savings right now and surely cannod afford an expensive lawyer.
Many many people have tried this but time is not ripe for it and the problem of the causality (cause-result) will always be there, there will enver be a 100% proof and that makes our caswes hopeless in court. A famous Dutch TV program did address the issue last year but was not able to help me either.
I just spent my enery to recovery, study, re-entry on the job market and spending time with friends. I am sorry to say that no judge, politician or court is on our site yet and we just have to take care about ourselves... Maybe, just maybe this will change slowly now but it will take years if not decades...

[Luc]

It's been a long way, Claudius, isn't it? The good thing is that it's improving. I so remember how much you were suffering. That was total hell. It's so good you're able to work part-time - this would be unthinkable not so long time ago - you're improving! If you were to estimate how much you've healed (%), what number would it be?

[angie007]

Hey Claudius,

Welcome buddy, sorry your still having problems my friend, but what a way you have come , this is the last leg of what has been a long painful journey for you.
I send you warm healing thoughts and energy, keep walking buddy your doing a great job x

[stan]

hello Claudius,

a warm welcome, i am happy you pass here from time to time!... and thanks for your part of satellite

[Claudius]

If you were to estimate how much you've healed (%), what number would it be?

Very difficult to say Luc, beause there are so many symtoms in a bizarre waves and windows pattern. I could give the percentages for the individual symtpoms:
-Diarrea and intestinal mess: 98% recovery
-Crying spells: 80% recovery
-Aggression and anger: 70% recovery
-Ruminations and homicidal tendencies: 80% recovery
-Cognitive abilities: 90% recovery
-Neurological issues, electrical jolts in chest and eye spasms: 30% recovery THIS IS MY LAST TORTUROUS SYMPTOM

The 30% in the last issue is somewhat ramdom, this particular symptom is still very bad and debilitating but at least different than before and I still feel it moving and rearranging inside which is surely a sign of recovery.
So overall I would say, 50% recovered but that won't mean that I will need another 4.5 year... ;)

[Cosette123]

Welcome here,Claudius! I well remember you on the other forum.
Like you, after 4 years off Paxil, I have had improvements but I have to fight against neurological issues (Ataxia, lack of balance...). But like Luc always says:"I keep walking ,just keep walking",even if I have to walk with a stick...

[sterre]

Claudius,I just noticed that you are from the Netherlands, so am I!

I know the tv program you are reffering to. I am wondering, if so many of us expiernce the same symptoms after or during W/d, the argument of causuality or neccesity for using those pills, would not hold any ground. To many people suffer the same problems after tapering or quiting AD's.

I doesnt matter what crazy things you have done ( I hope you did not kill someone though:-), the argument in favor of the AD's is just to easy to explain the "neurological"problems we all seem to suffer from.

I am really thinking about a way to make a case against psychiatry and pharmacy. So many people are putt onthese pills, there just cannot be another scenario than that in a while from now, more people are going to complain and become aware of the nasty effect of the AD's.

I am patiently waiting for that day, and in the meantime trying to figure out a creative way to raise awareness.