Humble Request for Prayers and Healing/Protective Energy

[Samsara]

This is so hard for me to post this. I'm in a very weakened state on all levels due to a series of misfortunes.

I wish I had the resilience to explain more but truthfully, I'm hanging on by a thread for months now but to top things off, I am facing another health scare that has and continues to frighten me.

I'm in extreme distress, trying to remain sane but I'm very afraid. I will be going for a medical procedure and the procedure itself is frightening in regard to how any medications may affect my very fragile CNS. I'm looking a a serious cancer risk. Biopsies and other analysis will be taking place. I have no idea how I'm going to psychologically survive the next month and a half. I also have no idea how I"m going to be able to walk into my doctor's office to get the results.

I live with fear/terror and regularly facing the reality of my mortality. Of course WD state brain and CNS heightens these emotions to further levels and the ruminations/obsessions etc. become unbearable. I spend 90 percent of my time trying to counteract and manage the unrelenting fears.

I have opted NOT to go under general anesthetic but the other two alternatives aren't without risk and TBH both are scarey. I will be meeting with the anesthesiologist this Thurs to discuss my situation and options. If anyone has any experience with regional anesthetic (spinal or epidural), while in psyche drug WD, I would sincerely appreciate any advice or experience you may be willing to share.

My ability to communicate and interact is seriously compromised but I very much miss not being able to interact with all of you. Please know that it pains me to isolate at a time when I very much need NOT to be alone. It's just that my CNS is still is too bad shape and computer makes things worse. Also, the trauma and F&F is very bad making it extremely difficult for me to speak about what I'm going through.

I truly need someone to be with me........a presence .........since being alone is torture although I feel I have nothing to contribute to others since, my mind is locked into raw survival mode. I hardly go on-line and can't even keep up with a few emails without feeling overwhelmed to the max since my CNS is still in bad shape. I really think I would be doing a bit better if it weren't for this recent health stressor/scare.

Anyway, if I may humbly request ..............PRAYERS, healing energy or anything that you are able to offer. I feel very, very scared. I just need to touch some good souls. I've tried to write in my thread and post so many times, but the WD induced fear and anxiety prevented me. I'd freeze with feelings of trauma and then felt overwhelmed by the light emiting from the monitor. I also can't concentrate well at all.


I better post this now. I continue to utilize Reiki and pray and send healing energy to you all. I really do wish nothing but the best for each of you! Take very good care of yourself and each other.


Sincerest of Healing Energy to Each One of You!


Samsara

[Sheila]

Ah, Samsara, I’m so glad you posted. This is a beautiful post you wrote, and some day we will look back on it, and shake our heads at what we’ve gone through, and raise a toast to how well life has turned around.

You are going to be OK, Samsara. I feel it. You are going to get through this. It will be behind you. You will heal from everything going on with your poor body and mind right now. You are a person who is very ambitious about healing, about becoming your true self, about fulfilling your destiny. I most certainly wish it didn’t have to be such a horrendous path, but I know you will persevere through it *and* turn it into gold.

You are a very powerful person. You have a lot of wisdom. You have great values. You have all those resources even now, even though you understandably feel weak. Remember, both things are true at the same time -- the vulnerability and the strength. They're intertwined.

You must be exhausted from having to constantly work with the neuro-amplified fears and the real decisions and conversations and other actions you have to take right now.

It seems like a really good decision to forgo the general anesthesia.

What a bind you’re in – to want company desperately, but to be unable to tolerate it. You did so great to start this thread. Please keep updating us or asking for what you would like. Remember, we are all more connected than most of us have been raised to understand. We are never really alone. All you have to do is think of one of us, and we will be connected through time and space. I have prayed for you since you’ve been away. And I knew you were praying for me. And I know Barbara has prayed for you.

We will definitely increase our prayers. I ask that everyone who reads this thread say some prayers right in the moment for Samsara. There is some research and anecdotal information to suggest that group intention is even more powerful than individual intention. So, let’s form a group intention / prayer project here now.

Samsara, is there anyone who could go with you to any of these appointments? Even an ex-healer of any kind, or an ex-colleague, or a neighbor?

[Luc]

Dear Dear Samsara, thank you *so much* you shared this with us (I also wrote in this other thread in which you posted). It will help you on both the physical and psychological level. Yes, we are sending The Healing Energies all the time, and we will all intensify them now. You are incredibly brave and exceptional human being - you have helped so so many people who have suffered from WD... You will heal from it. Your mind and soul have always been exceptionally strong. It will help you to persevere and to, eventually, win. Whenever possible please, keep us updated on the situation. But only if you are able to! You are NOT alone. We are with you ALL THE TIME...

[Samsara]

Dear Luc and Sheila........

thank you both SO MUCH for your posts to me! Your words and intentions mean so very much to me. Thank you with all my heart. I'm in tears as I type this message to you. I will respond in more detail to the content of your posts as soon as I am able.

Sheila, I do have someone who can be with me for a few appt's but not all. I suppose my post where I express being alone implied that I have no one at all to draw upon at any time. Sorry about that, I didn't mean to mislead.

I do have one sister who has been helping me and I literally wouldn't be here today without her help and support but I do live alone and my sister works full-time ......so I am alone 99 percent of the time. My sister comes over about once a week (on average) and she lives about 20 minute drive away. It does take a lot of her time and energy to come over here since it's not like she lives down the street and she also has her own life pressures, chores and challenges etc.

In regard to the surgery,,,,,,,,,,I'm very afraid since, as we know, those of us in WD can be hypersensitive to regular doses of medications etc. I'm so afraid that I will develop some type of toxic reaction since, I am SUPER SENSITIVE to even B-Complex vitamins and even came to find out that this is the case with ibuprofen so I"m very concerned that a spinal block may be too much for my CNS to handle.

If I do react and they give me another medication to counteract the reaction, I'm then at risk of developing a reaction to that drug as well. I'm really having to work very hard at keeping the terror in check.

I will be meeting with the anesthesiologist on Thurs. and I hope she/he doesn't think I'm some type of hypochondriac. I hope they take my situation seriously and understand and acknowledge that psyche drug WD can place many of us in the hypersensitivity category.

I was told to expect to be at the pre-op app't (hospital) for 3 - 4 hours. they will be doing blood work, meet with nurse and anesthesiologist etc and I couldn't get an afternoon app't. It's in the morning and I have no idea how I'm going to navigate through it all since most days I am still bedriddenly sick.

BTW, I've been going through another WD on top of AD WD. I quit smoking and it sent my CNS into extremely severe WD states and I'm still suffering very profoundly 8 months post quit. I was not a heavy smoker but obviously my CNS could not handle the trauma of this WD at this time but I had no choice but to quit since I was developing toxic reactions to smoking that was making me very sick.

I saw a post regarding smoking on the forum but I've been unable to read it thoroughly. I hope to come back to it at a later date since, I have so much to share regarding this subject but cannot do so at this time other than to advise people NOT to C/T from nicotine. It is a psychoactive drug and thus, can produce similar WD symptoms as other psyche drugs and also produce protracted WD. This is not well publicized but it is a reality for many people.

Again, thank you both! I send you both healing energy and the best of well wishes for a full recovery very soon!

I better post this and get off-line. I'm feeling over-stimulated just being on the computer this short time and feeling quite sickish now. I feel as if I cannot concentrate for one more second. :(

Thank you both for sharing time with me and for the healing energy, continued prayers and the willingness to increase prayers. I truly appreciate it!


Samsara

[Sheila]

I'm glad you have your sister. Yes, I totally understand your worries about medications. And it is hard to get people to understand or believe how sensitive we are. Maybe use the word "dysautonomia" and tell them you have a hypersensitive, hyperreactive autonomic nervous system. It doesn't matter what caused it to be that way.

You may need a lower dose of the local anesthesia than they usually use. Maybe ask them what they use for very elderly, sensitive, or vulnerable people.

This is a far-fetched idea, and you don't have time to explore it now, but maybe it will lead to something in the future -- I'm sure you know people have gone without general and local anesthesia for surgeries by using acupuncture.

I do remember many people on pp in w/d being scared of surgeries who got through them with no worsening at all.

It sounds like you had no choice about cutting out the cigarettes. And the good news is that you've removed something that slows down overall healing, so that will help.

[Sheila]

By synchro, I was re-reading a blog post of mine preparatory to working on a new blog post, and I stumbled across a great quote from Samsara which might be helpful for Samsara right now –


A friend of mine recently wrote: “I believe that our greatest discoveries are usually never in the obvious range but rather, are come upon, unexpectedly..... .......unanticipated and when they do reveal, it is a life altering experience….As you know, our greatest struggles push us into places we would never go otherwise and we usually enter those places with great fear which takes great courage but usually results in great clarity, discovering parts of ourself that we never knew existed. Great empowerment comes from such and thus, greater freedom from the past as well as a great respect and love for oneself and towards others.”


http://neuroscienceandpsi.blogspot.c...rtium-non.html

[Barbara]

Samsara,

You are in all of our hearts and thoughts and we will be continuing to send you lots of healing energy and support to help you navigate your way at this juncture. I am so glad you posted. And I remember from your previous posts that you have a wonderful ability to see the big picture in life. You see how you have many other parts of yourself than being a person with health challenges. So therefore, you can call upon and rely on those different parts of yourself to help you through this difficult time.

But also please keep posting and let us know how we can help you.

I'm thinking of you now,

Barbara

[Luc]

We are here for you all the time, Dear Sam...

[Samsara]

Dear Sheila, Barbara and Luc.......

thank you with all my heart for your words of support. I really hesitate to post many times because I seriously lack the emotional and physical energy to respond in the ways I wish. In fact, as you have seen, I let posts go unacknowledged for lengthy periods of time and I feel so incredibly rude.

Truthfully, my resilience is so low that it takes incredible effort (which I do not have most times) to type a post.

I have only very quickly scanned your posts above and I will re-read as soon as I can. My mind simply won't cooperate and take in what I am trying to read. Everything appears as a huge blur in front of me and I become seriously overwhelmed trying to read and absorb. This is how bad things have been with me for many, many months now.

SO please forgive me if I take some time to acknowledge and/or respond. Please know that it means so very much to me that you have taken the time to support, share thoughts, send spiritual intentions, energy and prayers.

Bless you all!

BTW, it also bothers me tremendously to ask for help while being unable to be involved in your lives.......offering help and support to you in return. It weighs very heavy on my mind and heart since I don't feel right about receiving and not being able to give back. It feels selfish even though I do understand that I'm in a very compromised and fragile state.

I better post this now since, I'm having trouble trying to articulate myself.

I will print out your posts and read them in hard copy. It's easier for me this way.

Again, thank you all so very much!!


Samsara

[Sheila]

One of the most diabolical aspects of this w/d syndrome is that we desperately want help yet we often cannot bear it. Any help – even genuinely helpful help – is overstimulating. I have experienced this diabolical conundrum a lot in w/d.

Samsara - I know it’s uncomfortable for you to be asking for help and not putting in a lot of time giving help or responding. But, you have certainly given a lot in the past and you will give a lot in the future. You are doing Reiki for us, and that counts for a lot. And we know you well enough to know you’re grateful even when you can't spell it out.

Most of us on this board need to learn to let ourselves receive more anyway! I thought it was great that you asked for help. Please keep focusing on asking us for what you'd like right now. The rest will sort itself out later!